I wish it weren’t true, but unfortunately for us all – sex, immorality, and immodesty sells. As a few greedy individuals and companies make a profit from this sleazy material, the realistic and sad result is that – thoughts are corrupted, commitments and responsibilities are discarded, selfishness and temporary gratification become more important than self control, sins and crimes are committed, addictions are developed, families are torn apart, and slowly our society’s very foundational values have disintegrated.
Keeping thoughts clean, turning away from temptation, or altogether avoiding pornography is becoming increasingly more difficult considering the fact that – the vast majority of movies, TV shows, songs, magazines, advertisements, and websites are immoral, immodest, sexual, and pornographic in nature. We are daily bombarded … and thus daily fighting a battle. It is a battle to keep our thoughts, actions, habits, and character clean and pure and chaste.
Thankfully, however, despite this fact – it is possible to conquer in this daily battle. But how? Let me suggest 10 tips that are simple in theory, and yet extremely difficult in practicality; but if applied, will literally help anyone to obtain the peace, true freedom, confidence, happiness, purity, and success that living a chaste life will inevitably bring.
1) Daily Effort: It is of utmost importance to remember that although continuous actions for good result in habits that are good, temptation and pornography will still abound … often daily. Thus, the necessity of controlling our thoughts and developing self control must be a daily effort.
2) Remove Yourself From Temptation: Unfortunately, the reality is that there is absolutely no way for us to completely remove ourselves from situations and mediums that will tempt us in regards to our chastity. Pornographic images always seem to find us, regardless of where we are and what we are doing. However, with that said, we also can be a little more proactive to limit that temptation. Don’t visit that website, watch something else on TV, don’t go see that movie, don’t pick up the magazine, don’t enter the pop-up or advertisement, turn the channel during that commercial, etc. It’s hard, it takes discipline, and everyone else may seem to be doing it … but you must not! For your sake and your family’s … you must not!
3) Control Your Thoughts: Do you actually realize the power of your thoughts. Thoughts literally convert into actions. Thus, whatever it is that we entertain on the stage of our own minds, will in time become our very actions, habits, and character. Do you truly understand and believe that you literally can (and must) have complete control over your thoughts? You may not have asked or chosen to view the image, but you certainly have the choice as to whether or not to keep that image playing on the screen of your mind.
4) Remember the Consequences: Realize now that the fruits of pornography are: momentary gratification and lustful pleasure followed by immediate shame, guilt, sorrow, fear, and embarrassment. Eventually addictions form, curiosity heightens, people become past feeling, and the result – marriages end, families are torn apart, and crimes are committed only to satisfy a temporary gratification and almost impossibly avoidable addiction. (And let’s not be ignorant of the possible consequences and responsibilities that also could result … such as diseases, caring for a child or significant other, or paying child support, etc.).
5) Understand What ‘True Love’ Is: The world’s portrayal of ‘true love’ is often seen and interpreted two ways. First, ‘true love’ is ‘happily-ever-after.’ For anyone who has been married and experienced true love, they will be the first to tell you that ‘true love’ requires work, effort, change, sacrifice, compassion, and unselfishness … not just riding off into the sunset with prince charming to live in unending bliss. Secondly, ‘true love’ is most often unfortunately portrayed as ‘true lust.’ Love certainly is physical, combines attraction with affection, and is wonderful and beautiful. But ‘true love’ is far more than the physical and sexual joy such marital relationships can bring. ‘True love’ is the epitome of unselfishness. It is caring, it is thoughtfulness, it is service, it is work, it can even be trying, difficult, and hard at times. But ‘true love’ is committed, makes it work, never gives up, focuses on the positive, endures through challenges and weaknesses, and thinks of the concerns and needs of their spouse above their own.
6) Discipline the Natural Sexual Tendencies & Passions: We live in a society that demands that we discipline our physical bodies, our minds and intellects, and our social capabilities. The person who can not eat properly, keep their bodies fit, get an education, and socially interact are viewed and treated literally as either mis-fits, inferior, or lower class. Even if one wants (or does) eat unhealthily, is lazy, drops out of school, etc. – they know that they will be either ridiculed or limited by our society. On the other hand, however, our society (generally) makes no effort – in fact, quite the opposite – to require us to discipline our sexual passions and tendencies. Why is disciplining our sexual passions any different than our eating habits, intellect, or social abilities? It isn’t, and should not be! Just as we would go on a diet, work hard to exercise, or strive to obtain an education – we too should strive just as hard to discipline ourselves sexually and control and keep in balance a tendency just as (if not much more) difficult to manage as our eating, exercising, educational or social habits.
7) Idle Minds & Actions are the Seedbed for Disaster: The moment you find yourself idle either mentally or physically, you must know that this should be the first warning sign of possible danger ahead. ‘Surfing the web’ alone, or with nothing else to do; watching a movie that perhaps should not be viewed; or flipping through a magazine just out of ‘curiosity’ is the first idle step to inevitable temptation. Decide now to have integrity when alone, and make a rule to never ‘surf the web’ when you feel alone, down, frustrated, or with nothing else to do.
8) Deciding in the Moment of Temptation is Too Late: Decide right now that you will NOT enter that website, rent that movie, or watch that TV show. Decide now what your limits are, and never cross them. Write your decision down on paper, put it in a place seen often and review it daily, and completely commit to the decision made in the moment of clarity of mind (not when you must decide in that fleeting hour of lust, selfishness, loneliness, temporary gratification, and temptation).
9) Tips for Parents: The most important tip for parents of teens or children – you must be the example. Do not expect anything of your child unless you are living it yourself. Next, set family rules (i.e. computer times, what can/can’t be watched, place the computer in high traffic places, talk about online safety, etc). And lastly, but certainly most importantly, parents must be involved in their children’s lives (in regards to friends, sexual activity, peer pressure, etc). Start early to develop trust with children so they will come to you with questions and concerns. Make time regularly to just ‘talk.’ Don’t be ignorant, don’t expect the school system or friends to ‘teach them’ – be a real parent, proactive, and be involved with and talk to your children.
10) Absolutely No Excuses: Always remember that the media, individuals, and companies everywhere have one goal – to make money. Thus, they entice us to buy their product by luring us in with sexually exciting, pornographic, and addicting images and messages. Regardless of this fact, there is never an excuses for looking at, falling for, and becoming involved in this filth. It does not matter if you are just ‘curious’ – don’t look, don’t go into that advertisement, don’t watch that show or visit that website. And realize that the moment you hear yourself saying or thinking these things that you are headed for trouble, addictions, misery, and possible punishment: it won’t hurt anyone, it’s my choice, everyone is doing it, I am just curious, I need to know so I am not ignorant, my friends want/force me to, etc. No! Be proactive. Be disciplined. Don’t give excuses. Just turn away and don’t get involved.
Never forget, however, that this is much more than not looking at pornography – this is about maintaining integrity, developing self-discipline, preserving our marriage or relationships, and especially ensuring that our families do not fall apart. When the temptation to look confronts us, as it constantly does, we must look away immediately! Doing so will allow us to avoid the consequences that come from participating in this selfish and evil act: a lack of confidence, guilt and shame, mental and spiritual abilities weakened, addictions formed, relationships ruined, and possibly our very families torn apart.
And perhaps therein lies the great secret as to why pornography is so destructive – those who participate and look at this filth wrongfully assume that doing such only affects them, and is only known by them. Wrong! The effects of this addiction change our very mentality and perspective, develop selfishness and lust within us, weaken foundations of trust, and will certainly – in time – destroy the very most important relationships in our lives. We must not look and get involved. For ours and our family’s sake – we must not look!